September 14, 2006
It doesn't make the best consolation waking up from slumber to find you're still alive. I was blind for two minutes, the kind you get when you step out of a dark room into the sunlight, but my room isn't that dark, neither is the outside bright at all. Staggered my way to turn on the computer, then to brush my teeth and I felt like collapsing throughout the walk, managed to go back to my room and practically fell back onto bed. At least I didn't hit my head. For that moment I thought I died, apart from being able to taste the toothpaste.
I meant to come home to study but I just lack the motivation or mood to do so. I wish it'd come back. I'm supposed to study 3chapters a day starting from last month or somewhere there. I havn't. I couldn't. I have to resort to going to school to study in a stuffy room full of foreigners. I hate it but I can't stand studying alone anymore. Though it's the most effective, I hate the silence, I don't want to set anymore goals, I lack the mood, I lack the motivation, I just don't feel like studying anymore. I just had enough, the past 6months or so is torturous enough. There's no need for competition, there's no one to share my good news with so who cares anymore. I don't anymore, do you?
I meant to be doing housework too but I'm just feeling too weak to do so. I think my last proper meal was about 56hours ago. And some snow white thing and bubble tea 52hours ago. Plain water since then. It's really quite a wonder ; How I'm forever complaining I'm hungry as early as 2hours after a meal, going for long breaks to eat and everything. But when I get upset, food just isn't in my mind. I just don't feel hungry at all. And this isn't the first time. Just so happens too that everytime I do this my mum keeps asking me if I've eaten and I'd just say yes. Then she'd ask what. I don't really care, as long as I don't die. I'm still so very upset I don't feel like eating still, I feel like sleeping through dinner but I just don't want to collapse and hit my head somewhere while I'm home alone or do the same at tomorrow's full day of work and become a burden. Sorry body. At least you get to lose weight though you'd just gain it back in days to come.
I just feel so lost, so moodles. I want a break from this life, forever if best. I'm so sick and tired of this i-am-so-upset attacks.
Baby set me free from this misery
I can't take it no more
Since you went away nothing's been the same
Don't know what I'm living for
Here I am so alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do
Until you're back here baby
Miss you want you need you so
Until you're back here baby yeah
There's a feeling inside I want you to know
You are the one and I can't let you go
And I wonder, are you thinking of me
Cos I'm thinking of you
And I wonder
Are you ever coming back in my life?
Cos here I am so alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do
-nIx- @ [[6:07 PM]]
It doesn't make the best consolation waking up from slumber to find you're still alive. I was blind for two minutes, the kind you get when you step out of a dark room into the sunlight, but my room isn't that dark, neither is the outside bright at all. Staggered my way to turn on the computer, then to brush my teeth and I felt like collapsing throughout the walk, managed to go back to my room and practically fell back onto bed. At least I didn't hit my head. For that moment I thought I died, apart from being able to taste the toothpaste.
I meant to come home to study but I just lack the motivation or mood to do so. I wish it'd come back. I'm supposed to study 3chapters a day starting from last month or somewhere there. I havn't. I couldn't. I have to resort to going to school to study in a stuffy room full of foreigners. I hate it but I can't stand studying alone anymore. Though it's the most effective, I hate the silence, I don't want to set anymore goals, I lack the mood, I lack the motivation, I just don't feel like studying anymore. I just had enough, the past 6months or so is torturous enough. There's no need for competition, there's no one to share my good news with so who cares anymore. I don't anymore, do you?
I meant to be doing housework too but I'm just feeling too weak to do so. I think my last proper meal was about 56hours ago. And some snow white thing and bubble tea 52hours ago. Plain water since then. It's really quite a wonder ; How I'm forever complaining I'm hungry as early as 2hours after a meal, going for long breaks to eat and everything. But when I get upset, food just isn't in my mind. I just don't feel hungry at all. And this isn't the first time. Just so happens too that everytime I do this my mum keeps asking me if I've eaten and I'd just say yes. Then she'd ask what. I don't really care, as long as I don't die. I'm still so very upset I don't feel like eating still, I feel like sleeping through dinner but I just don't want to collapse and hit my head somewhere while I'm home alone or do the same at tomorrow's full day of work and become a burden. Sorry body. At least you get to lose weight though you'd just gain it back in days to come.
I just feel so lost, so moodles. I want a break from this life, forever if best. I'm so sick and tired of this i-am-so-upset attacks.
Baby set me free from this misery
I can't take it no more
Since you went away nothing's been the same
Don't know what I'm living for
Here I am so alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do
Until you're back here baby
Miss you want you need you so
Until you're back here baby yeah
There's a feeling inside I want you to know
You are the one and I can't let you go
And I wonder, are you thinking of me
Cos I'm thinking of you
And I wonder
Are you ever coming back in my life?
Cos here I am so alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do
-nIx- @ [[6:07 PM]]
